College Admission Essay to University of Michigan




College Admission Essay to University of Michigan :


Mark R. Eadie – Rensselaer - New York


Mark was born with a desire to build, whether it was with his older brother’s Legos or with hammer and nails. He has worked with his family to handcraft their own summer home and with his college classmates to build a national championship-winning solar car. At Columbia High School, Mark was an Eagle Scout, leader in his church and involved in Boys State and Model Congress. Through his essay, he says he wanted to give an honest look at my life, what I’ve done and what I’ve had to deal with to do these things.


Building - University of Michigan


The week before my second birthday was my introduction to the world of Legos. My mother was busily getting ready for Christmas and needed to keep me occupied so she let me play with my 12-year-old brother’s Legos. Although she did not think I would be interested, I sat on the carpet creating airplanes, cars and rocket ships for nine hours. That was the beginning of my love affair with engineering, design and building.


Soon clocks, motors, even new bicycles were not safe from my screwdriver or pliers, much to the consternation of my mother. My dad, a builder by avocation, was thrilled when I asked to help him and demanded an explanation of how everything worked as we repaired the house and added on to our summer camp. My father taught me many skills, how to build walls, plumb a bathroom, wire a house, lay hardwood floors, install windows and add cedar siding. Using many power tools and saws was fun, but the care I learned in planning and executing each step for highest quality was especially important.


In addition, I have an insatiable hunger for knowledge. When young, I read the World Book Encyclopedia and Encyclopedia Britannica as other kids read comic books and the backs of cereal boxes. No matter how much I learned I sought to know more. I wanted to understand the way things work more than I wanted the newest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figure. For my ninth birthday, my grandmother gave me a subscription to Discover magazine. I read every issue cover-to-cover, reading past bedtime to learn about fly-wheel engines, archaeological digs in China and the moons of Jupiter. I can never thank my “Grand mommy" enough for adding fuel to my fi re for learning.


My father’s and my latest project, due to our shared love of astronomy, was building a five-foot-long, six-inch diameter reflecting telescope with a Dobsonian mount. It was here I first really appreciated my dad’s demand for perfection. After days of work, the result was incredible. The starry view is breathtaking - it adds so much to my excitement as I read Steven Hawking’s and others’ views on cosmology.


As the Senior Patrol Leader in my Boy Scout Troop, I have experienced the importance of teaching and inspiring younger scouts so they will develop the skills and values that I have learned. As an Eagle Scout, I had to design, organize and direct the troop in completing a major project. Utilizing the knowledge gained through working with my father and the communication skills developed through leadership in Boy Scouting and Presbyterian youth work, we extended the hiking trail system in our community by building a 20-foot by 4-foot Bridge across a stream near the Hudson River. Not only is there satisfaction in seeing the completed bridge, there is the more important realization that my leadership is helping younger scouts develop into responsible, community-involved citizens. I’m very proud of them.


My church leadership role, as moderator of the Presbyterian Youth Connection Council for eight states, has allowed me to share my hope for the future, faith and vision with thousands in my generation and with adults across the Northeast.


Because of a baseball accident at age 10, the nerve in my right ear is dead, leaving me with only monaural hearing. Surgery did not work and conventional hearing aids can’t help people who are totally deaf in one ear. Fortunately, creative innovation combined with technological development has provided a cutting edge solution. A doctor in Connecticut has developed a trans-cranial hearing aid—the sound produced by the aid is transmitted so powerfully that it is conducted through the skull to the nerves in the good ear, on the opposite side of my head. With this, I can hear stereophonically as my brain interprets the second set of sound as though it was coming through my right ear.


As the beneficiary of one man’s creative skills, I know what engineering can accomplish. The ability to examine a problem like unilateral hearing loss, create a new vision and solve the problem for people is the inspiration for my applying to Michigan’s Engineering School. My faith and commitment to serve people motivates this drive. I want to use my insatiable desire to learn and create in order to advance technology for the benefit of others. The field of engineering is leading our society into more exciting developments than ever before, and I seek to use my leadership skills within this arena.


My vision is that aerospace engineering will allow humans not only to exceed the physical boundaries of our planet’s limits but to grow intellectually beyond the constraints of terrestrial experience. In addition to all the practical earthly benefits that come from aerospace engineering, like biomedical, mechanical and materials breakthroughs, the philosophical and emotional benefits to humankind are extremely significant.


I want to attend the University of Michigan for love of engineering, for the challenge of it and to prepare myself to make a greater contribution to our society.


Why This Essay Succeeded…


Mark’s essay primarily shows the college how he became interested in engineering and why he is applying to the school of engineering. His descriptions of working with his father portray his insatiable appetite for learning how things work. It is clear that Mark wants to be an engineer not to make lots of money or because his parents are forcing him into it, but because he truly loves to build (and take apart) machines. Mark also alludes to a more personal reason for his desire to become an engineer. As the beneficiary of one engineer’s invention, he regained his hearing. While this essay covers a lot of ground, there is no doubt in the reader’s mind why Mark will be a successful engineer. Notice, too, that Mark says nothing about his grades or academic courses - those are all self-evident in his transcript and test scores. By focusing on the why of his love for engineering, Mark makes his essay both original and memorable.


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