Love Lady :
Dear Love Lady,
I have a love problem and I don't know what to do. I am a freshman in college and so is my boyfriend. We have been together since our senior year in high school and we are very much in love. But, since we've been at college, we have developed a problem. We don't see each other from month to month. You see, we go to colleges in completely different states. We have always lived on the same street, but now we are so far apart. I don't even know if it will work, or better yet how to make it work. Any advice?
Sad and In Love
Atlanta – GA
Dear Sad and In Love,
Well, it sounds as if you have a great thing if you can just stick with it. As a matter of fact, I have been in a situation just like yours. My boyfriend and I had just the same problem back when we were in college and we made it work. We are now happily married with two beautiful children. So, I think I can give you a few pointers on how to keep your love going. You are going to have to have three important things to make it work though. Those things are trust, communication and patience.
First and the most important, you and your boyfriend need to have trust in each other. In every relationship there has to be trust, but for some reason, in long-distance relationships, it seems like there has to be just a little something more. Since you two are so far apart, you have to trust that the other one only wants to be with you and no one else. What I would always do, when I didn't know if I should do something that might be bad for our relationship, is I would put myself on the other end of the situation. I would pretend that it was my boyfriend doing it and then I would think of how I would feel if he did it. If you would get upset about it, than 10 times out of 10 so would he.
There has to be trust in every important relationship, a relationship won't last if there are doubts on either end. Always trust that your boyfriend is being honest with you and always be honest with him.
The next thing a long-distance relationship needs is communication. Good communication is a MUST! You and your boyfriend have to have open lines of communication. If something is bothering one of you, you must tell the other how you are feeling. If you don't be open the other will never know what you are thinking or if there is a problem. Unless of course you can read minds. Just kidding! There shouldn't be secrets kept from one another and if there are open communication lines, it will avoid any types of problems.
Another aspect of communication that is important is expressing your feelings. If you are missing your boyfriend a lot one day, tell him. It will make him feel good to know that you are thinking of him and need him. By expressing your feelings, it will keep the relationship open and honest. And also add a little excitement for the next time you get to see each other!
You may think that it will be hard to communicate so far away, but in all actuality, it might be easier. One of the most popular ways loved ones keep in touch is through the computer. Many colleges today have a system that is free to students to send e-mail. Check it out if you haven't already! It is sometimes easier to write your feelings rather than saying them. This is a very effective, not to mention cheap, way to keep in touch with the one you love. There is also writing letters and talking on the phone, but I strongly suggest the e-mail option.
Finally, the last thing that you need to keep a relationship going is good old fashioned patience. You won't be able to see each other often, but stick with it. If you truly love each other, you will be able to get through the times when you can't see each other. It is hard, believe me I know! But if you hold on, it could turn into something very special.
I wish you the best of luck to you and your boyfriend. If you have trust, communication and patience, I'm sure you'll be able to make it work.
The Love Lady
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